Monday, September 27, 2010

You gotta move fast to last, these days.

"You got no one to depend on, just say your prayers and call it a night, love. You can hold onto the bedsheets, but they won't hold onto you." - Sequoyah Prep School.

A lot of things rush through my mind- let me assure you- it's filled with more thoughts than cars on a highway. I like it that way, though. It's as if I have an explanation for everything up there, somewhere. Even if I can not find that exact reason sometimes- or ever- I know it's there, and I can only hope that it's just stuck in traffic.

All I want to do is make it out alive. Don't get me wrong- I understand that I will not live forever, but I want to get the most out of my life while I am still here. And that starts now- it started 15 years ago, I just wish I knew back then what I was getting into. If only I didn't waste my time wanting to grow up. Wasted time that I will never get back as a little girl.

I will never be perfect. That's why I never strive to reach that level. I know it will never happen, so I save myself the disappointment. I figure, If I just expect to make it by- but I succeed beyond that, I'll get more joy out of that then setting the bar too high for myself to reach.

I'm a hypocrite, because everything that I want from people- I can't even provide.

"Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed I think about the little things that make life great I wouldn't change a thing about it This is the best feeling." - Avril Lavigne.

September 27, 2010: This is how my day was.
Today, I let go. Last night, I told myself today was going to be a good day. Woke up- straightened my hair, hoping it'd get your attention. Didn't manage my time, and had only five mintues remaining to finish getting ready. Hair done, that was it- not dressed, no make-up, nothing packed. I could feel my mood begin to plunder. I rushed out of the door, and started running out of my garage as my toe met the side of a leaf blower. On the way to school I looked out of the window, and refused to give into the pain. I got to school and realized that my toe had started bleeding. I made it on the bus for my journalism field trip just in time- and decided to put my earphones in to drown out the people around me. My morning had started out horribly, and I needed time to relax. I just wanted to be alone, close my eyes, and make the pain go away. And, now I know- even when bad things get in the way the best thing to do is step back and take a break- then get back on track. The rest of my day ended up really well. And, I have no doubt that it was all because I let myself get the time that I deserved to get myself back onto my feet- with a sore toe, that is- and continue my day with the intentions of making it a good one.

"I saw the sun going down in your eyes with all the lies that left us where we are." - Sequoyah Prep School.

I'm a girl with good intentions, with a lot more to learn.

"6 months" Hey Monday.  <--- Click. I would have typed the entire lyrics to this song, but it'd just be easier to let you listen to it for yourself.

What that picture says to the right, I couldn't have said better myself. Some people may say that that's an opinion, but I think that is a fact.

When I'm in a mood where nothing can bring me down- that's what I love the most. It's that one time where I can act my complete self, get all the werid looks from people who think I'm special, and throw my hands up in the air and say 'gotta' let go'. By the way- I know that was corny how I used a song lyric, but I was thinking it so I figured I'd write it down. Anyways, my life is all about having fun and turning heads.

Do more than exsist.

Have you ever wondered why you were put here on this Earth? What your purpose is. I literally just thought about this right now, and it's got me wondering.

I see a difference in telling someone you won't do something and doing it anyway, saying you will do something and never doing it, and doing something you never said anything about. The first two have more at fault then the last.

It seems as though people never take the time- as if their life can't spare a few minutes- to figure out who someone really is before they judge them. If you listen to what other people tell you about that person, that takes time- right. And, what's the difference between doing that and finding out for yourself? The difference is a lack in character.

"I want someone I can go to. Someone I can tell my secrets to. Someone who won't judge for the mistakes I've made, and the mistakes I will continue to make. I want someone who understands. I want someone who hears, not just listens. I want someone who says good night to me, and prays to God they get the chance to say good morning. I want someone who knows my quirks. I wants someone who wipes my tears away. I want someone who needs me. I want someone who loves me."

I liked that picture, because that's how I feel right now. However- in some ways, stupidity can be painful, but only through the consequences of acting stupid.

I wish I would go to school tomorrow and hear your voice call my name. Feel your arms wrap around me once more- a feeling that used to be familar. To see your lips form the words "I love you," and remind me that you'll always be there. 

I'm not a giver upper. I'm a go getter.

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